A psychologist has revealed three signs that your partner is manipulating you to keep you from leaving – from gaslighting to financial control and your isolation.
Chartered psychologist and author Dr Lalitaa Suglani from Birmingham, who offers courses on topics including anxiety management, overcoming fear and impostor syndrome, shared information on the subject in a recent video post on Instagram.
She accompanied the video with a caption that said: “Ever feel like you can’t trust your thoughts because your partner insists you said something you’re pretty sure you didn’t?
“And how often do you end up apologizing even though you know you didn’t do anything wrong?”
She went on to write that manipulation can be so insidious that “we don’t even notice it’s happening.”
Listing three ways a person can manipulate their partner to stay in a relationship, she said: “Number one is gaslighting.
“This involves manipulating someone into questioning their own perceptions, their own memories and their sanity.
“Abusers may use gaslighting techniques to make their partner doubt their experiences, leaving them feeling confused and unsure about leaving.”
She also cited isolation, which she described as where your partner “may isolate you from your family and your friends and other support networks.”
She said it was about “controlling their access to help or information that will make it harder for them to leave the relationship”.
Continuing in the video, Dr Suglani said: “Number three is financial control.
“This is where they can control all of their partner’s finances and make them dependent on money or resources.
“This can really create barriers to leaving because you may fear that you won’t be able to support yourself or your children if they leave the relationship. They are three hidden ways and manipulative.”
A number of Instagram users commented on the video and shared their experiences with the behavior she mentioned.
One wrote: “Yeah, those three ways sound all too familiar. Thank God I was eventually able to break free, but the impact of years of this and destructive behavior requires a lot of work to move on.’
Another added: “Wow. He totally felt it. And like many things in a narc relationship – it’s only after the end that you remember all those moments when you realized exactly what they were doing. The saddest thing of all – I’m not always sure they even realize they’re doing it at the time, but not because of innocence, but because they’re well trained in it.”
Meanwhile, a third simply said, ‘That’s how it was.’
Dr. Suglani posts regularly on Instagram where she covers a variety of mental health topics, including relationships and more
One issue she regularly addresses is high-functioning anxiety (HFA), which she has written a forthcoming book about and which is thought to affect around 20 per cent of adults in the UK.
HFA is described as a condition where “individuals appear competent and accomplished on the outside, while on the inside they silently struggle with intense anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of failure.”
High-Functioning Anxiety The 5-Step Guide to Calming Your Inner Panic and Thriving Out May 28th.
According to the volume information in it Dr Lalitaa shares it a personal journey of self-discovery and growth, sheds light on High Functioning Anxiety and offers readers a path to understanding and accepting their authentic self.
The book explores the underlying causes of HFA, as well as the science behind it and the behaviors associated with it, using real-life case studies.
It also offers those with the condition “a tool to manage fear, anxiety and self-doubt.”
The psychologist said of the book: ‘For those struggling with inner anxieties and self-doubt, let this book act as a beacon of hope and a reminder that we are all inherently good enough just the way we are.’