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Dear care and feeding,
I’m a teacher on summer leave. My neighbor’s children, who are close in age to mine (9 and 10), knock on my door every morning around 9:00.
I’m not a morning person and I want to enjoy my bedtime. My children know this about their mother and sometimes sleep in too – but even when they are awake, they are definitely not ready for company yet. The kids knock on my door all day. They often haven’t eaten at home and hesitate to leave when I’m preparing food for the kids or just want them to go home. Their mother works at night and sleeps during the day, so she may not even be fully aware of her children’s behavior/routine. How do you politely set boundaries without sounding rude or selfish?
– Home for the summer
dear home
You can politely set boundaries with your kids by making it clear—and maybe putting a sign on the door that says—that they are not allowed to knock on your door until… well, whatever time you set. Tell them that just as they know not to wake their mother, you don’t want to be woken up from your sleep either. And please say
But apart from that, it worries me that you have two small children living next door who are not fed or cared for all day. And that your (seemingly) only concern is that they don’t screw you over for food or attention. Do your kids like to play with them? (For my daughter at that age, having neighbor-friends her age was a godsend: They could play whenever they wanted without having to rely on their parents to arrange play dates. Were the neighborhood kids always her go-to? out of the way to find out if she had to go out of her way Not necessarily, but it was her friends who were almost always available, and the kids love to play with them?the neighborhood kids, it would kill you to be kind and generous to them ?
Now if your children feel on yourself, it would be different. So talk it over with your kids before you do anything more than put up a Do Not Disturb until Noon sign. And by “anything about it” I mean both set more boundaries as your kids ask and let those hungry kids stay for dinner or a snack. And think about what you said about their reluctance to go home when you “just want them to go.” That seems callous to me. They are children. They were left to their own devices all day. Is it your duty to take care of them? No. But it would be kind—it would good—if you allowed them to bask in your hospitality (again, if your kids are happy with the way things are now)? Definitely yes. And it is always better to do good than to do nothing.
—Michelle
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